Eurogash: Part I

We Rate the Looks of the Internet’s Ladies of Spam

“Hello!
My name is Yuliya! I am 29 years old. I addressed in agency acquaintances. When I have specified, how I search for type of the man. Me have told to approach in 1 week. When I have again come to agency of acquaintances, to me have told yours email adress. I am a teacher and i like my work very much. I work with children and Now I have an opportunity to write to you I am an interesting, beautiful, kind and single young lady. I want to find my love, my half and want to marry him. I am looking for a man who will fall in love with me and I will fall in love with him. I have never been married but I dream about it. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I am interested in music, cooking, reading, traveling and others. I know English very good and can easily speak!! If you are interested in me please write me on my e-mail: m******[at]yahoo.com. Please write me and I will send you my photos. I wait for your letter very much.
Yuliya.”


Rule number one of the internet: If a girl you do not know contacts you for sexual relationships - it's a guy. If said "girl" has a photo, and is hot - it is definitely a guy. This rule is no better applied than to these emails emanating (presumably) from Eastern Europe, and should be treated with as much credence as the spam mails which take the religious line of fraudulent encouragement, more popular on the African continent .

It's a fairly good indictment of a continent-by-continent guide as to what makes people tick, apparently in Africa it's poor English and religious lunacy (Mel Gibson speed dials his Realtor) and in Eastern Europe it's even worse English and promises of sex from ropey trouts. Not too dissimilar from their actual sex trade, since all the attractive young ones have come over here to become "models" working out of bedsits in Peckham*.

What I'm saying is, don’t respond to these email. Not even to try some investigative jouranalism [sic]. They are scams and ploys used to illegally check your email account is active or con you out of your hard earned wonga. It is probably a real girl in that pic, but it ain’t her writing the email. That’s not going to stop me critiquing her looks though; I wouldn’t touch her with yours.

Ropey Eurogash rating: 7/10
(She’s an eight pinter mate, that’s just a good picture)

* Sex trade - not funny. Jokes about it are.