Diary of a Music Fan: Dream Sequence

God bless support bands. Not that all of the support acts I’ve ever seen deserve my love (a few would probably deserve court orders), but sometimes you get a pleasant surprise. But there I was, supping Jamaican lager beer and waiting for Brooklyn groove-glam rockers Amazing Baby when I was introduced to power trio Band of Skulls. Or should I say re-introduced......?

(Cut to wibbly lines as I look up in the air and we are taken back to when I used to live in York and I was once in my bedroom...no, not like that, listening to the radio.....ahem)

After John Peel died, Radio 1 couldn’t work out a way to cover the sheer volume of stuff he used to get through without resorting to more than one human being. As a result, a rather relaxed and jovial Welshman called Huw Stephens ended up doing a two hour show covering indie(ish) every Tuesday night. I once flicked it on mid-show to catch the magnificent riff-based ending of a song called “Hollywood Bowl” by some bunch called Fleeing New York. Hmmmm, good I thought. Must pursue EP, I noted. I did, enjoyed it’s straightforward, raucous charm and played “Hollywood Bowl” loads.

(Wibbly lines return, catching me mid relaxed contentedness as a result of having caught interesting new trio, Band of Skulls and having had another beer, relax, I’m not at work tomorrow, what’s the problem....)

A riff starts, a shouty boy/girl “hey!” refrain and a lyric – “Took my baby, to the Ho-lly-wood Boooooowl......”. So Band of Skulls used to be Fleeing New York. I can’t really compare the joy of suddenly having a song that you know very well, love very much and suspect few others know at all suddenly being played at you by a live band.

Makes it all worthwhile, quite frankly.

Final Fantasy VII, Retro Alert!

Phoar (and I'm not even talking the gal to my left)!! This is THE Role Playing Game. This is the sole reason I bought a PlayStation. This is the reason my A Levels results are one grade lower than they should've been. This is Final Fantasy VII.

Probably one of the most universally loved games ever made. It sold 9.5 million units worldwide on the original PlayStation. With it now being available to download on PSN it has already set new sales records having already shifted 100,000 digital units since its release 2 weeks ago. With a sale price of just £7.99 I fully expect that number to increase significantly.

You play the role of Cloud Strife and his band of revolutionary eco-warriors, Avalanche. In a bid to save the planet from the evil corporation Shinra and the elusive hero turned villain Sepiroth. As you progress through the story all is not what it seems. Hidden and forgotten personal secrets are revealed. It truly is a magnificently scripted story which drags you back for more.

While the graphics have obviously dated since 1997, the cut scenes still hold their own compared to some of today’s releases. Beautiful art work and exceptional camera work help bring the cut scenes to life. The character development is sublime, Squaresoft (now Square Enix) really do know how to make you care for the characters and their fate. While Squaresoft have had success with the Final Fantasy franchise since FF7, the acclaim has not quite reached the same dizzy heights.

To completely finish the game you are looking at approximately 60 hours worth of game time. That's first hand knowledge. I really wasn't kidding about those A Levels. If you want to whiz through it (don't do it you fool!) it's probably nearer the 30 hour mark. For £7.99 that is some exceptional value for money.

If you enjoy this (and you will) then I strongly recommend you watch Final Fantasy VI: The Advent Children on DVD or Blu Ray. It carries on the story of the characters you will come to love. Rumours also persist of an updated version being on the horizon. As long as nothing except improved graphics and voice talent is added then I will allow it. It's pretty much perfect as it is. To sum up, you must own this game. Let’s just hope the next instalment in the franchise, due early 2010, is half as good as this.

Score: 10/10

Wipeout Pulse

I was scared to play this game. Remember how good and cool Knightrider was when you were a kid (providing you're old enough)? Well if you've watched it recently, like I have, then your memories will be crushed and ruined. That's what I was afraid of here. I was worried one of my favourite games from many moons ago would have been abused and misused (*cough* Sonic *cough*).

Wipeout since its original release has been regarded somewhat hit and miss. Thankfully Wipeout Pulse is nearer hit than miss. The graphics look good and the gameplay is very smooth. With smart menus and a perfectly suited sound track, it certainly is very polished. It has been made purposely for the PSP with care rather than an afterthought like a lot of publishers seem to do these days with PSP games.

The actual racing is fun, challenging and addictive. Trying to find a balance between racing and attacking with weapons is the tricky part. What is more delightful than stealing a win on the last bend using a homing missile? Doing it against a mate in the multiplayer game!! And if you gloat as much as I do then their annoyance will only add to your uncontrollable cackling laugh of victory.

Personally I would like to see a few more tracks. Once you are finished the only option left is the time trials. While I’m sure a lot of people will happily persist with these, I missed the battles with weapons and became quickly disinterested. But there are many downloads available from the website and the PSN store which increase its longevity.

If the developing team can make it look this sleek and polished on PSP then I eagerly await to see what they can do with the new Wipeout HD expansion pack due out in September. This is a definite must for PSP owners, especially the racing fans amongst you.

Score: 7/10

Battlefield 1943: World War 2 needs you!

Well if you are a Battlefield fan like me, then you would have been salivating at the prospect of more FPS goodness thanks to the nice people of DICE. Released as a downloadable game only, via PSN and Xbox Live, this game provides excellent value for money at approximately £10.

It is an online only game so you will need a broadband connection to download AND play it. Compared to previous Battlefield games this is only small with 3 maps and 3 classes of soldier. But this does not in anyway detract from the fun.

Set in 1943 on historic battle grounds, such as Iwo-Jima, the choices of weapons are limited. No mortar strike. No assault rifles. Just basic 1943 style rifles and machine guns which suffer badly from recoil. This will test your accuracy and skill! Luckily for me I’m a camping little sod with my sniper rifle so it doesn’t matter all that much.

One new addition, due to the lack of helicopters in 1943, is the addition of fighter planes. These are extremely difficult to master. But once you have your first kill the memories of numerous crashes you have suffered will fade away and be replaced with a sense of deep satisfaction. My one complaint about the planes is the near zero blast radius of their bombs. Unless you drop the bomb on an enemies head then the effect on near by enemies is minimal at best.

The Coral Sea Challenge that is being advertised sounds like fun on the surface. When the community racks up a total of 43 million kills a new map is released. However, this map is an air supremacy only map. I would’ve liked another ground map to be added and was disappointed to find out that it wasn’t. As much fun as the game is, unless more ground maps are added the game is in danger of becoming stale and boring more quickly than is deserves.

Clearly this is only a little side project from DICE to wet our appetites in anticipation of Battlefield: Bad Company 2. It looks nice and plays well. One of the better value for money downloadable games out there currently.

Could be more if more maps ground maps become available.
Score: 7/10

Ghostbusters: The Video Game. Who Ya Gonna Call?

I'll give you a second to finish humming the theme tune.....done? Excellent. Every boy or mans' dream is to strap on a Proton Pack and bag themselves free-floating, full-torso, vaporous apparition! Well now thanks to Atari and developer Terminal Reality you can live out that particular fantasy.

Well Gozer is back, and it's your job to stop him/her/it and save New York City. As well as visiting new and exciting locations across the city you also get to visit the locations of the original films. Such as The New York Public Library and The Sedgewick Hotel.

This game is great fun. One or more of the original Ghostbusters drag you along for the ride as you get to trap ghosts, fight ghouls and generally smash up New York City. Actually trapping a ghost is quite difficult and tricky at first but once you get the hang of it you'll be making Slimer toast and little ghoul canapés out of all of his buddies in no time at all.

With a script written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis (Dr. Raymond Stantz and Dr. Egon Spengler respectively) the story is, as expected, brilliant. All the characters are voiced by the original actors. This makes the game so much more real and immerses you in it. And I'll be honest here, not many “comedy” games actually make me laugh. But more than once I burst out laughing at some sarcastic deadpan comment from Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray).

Currently this game is only available on PlayStation 3 in Europe due to an exclusivity agreement between Atari and SCEE (Sony Computer Entertainment Europe). This deal is due to last 6 months, then the Wii and 360 versions should be available.

Personally I am hoping that the game looks a bit better on the 360 than it does on the PS3. While it does not look ugly by any means, some of the backgrounds and environments look a little blurred and undefined. With next-gen gaming I expect a little more crispness to the game world.

Another negative for the game is it's multiplayer option. It feels more like an option that was added on because it could, rather than it should. It's boring, mundane and very forgettable. This was a prime game to have an online Co-op mode. Unfortunately it's not there and we are stuck with dreary version that is. If you have more than one go you are a glutton for punishment.

All in all this is great fun and funny to boot. Brilliantly written and very playable. It's just let down by poor online features and average graphics.

7/10

Eurogash: Part I

We Rate the Looks of the Internet’s Ladies of Spam

“Hello!
My name is Yuliya! I am 29 years old. I addressed in agency acquaintances. When I have specified, how I search for type of the man. Me have told to approach in 1 week. When I have again come to agency of acquaintances, to me have told yours email adress. I am a teacher and i like my work very much. I work with children and Now I have an opportunity to write to you I am an interesting, beautiful, kind and single young lady. I want to find my love, my half and want to marry him. I am looking for a man who will fall in love with me and I will fall in love with him. I have never been married but I dream about it. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I am interested in music, cooking, reading, traveling and others. I know English very good and can easily speak!! If you are interested in me please write me on my e-mail: m******[at]yahoo.com. Please write me and I will send you my photos. I wait for your letter very much.
Yuliya.”


Rule number one of the internet: If a girl you do not know contacts you for sexual relationships - it's a guy. If said "girl" has a photo, and is hot - it is definitely a guy. This rule is no better applied than to these emails emanating (presumably) from Eastern Europe, and should be treated with as much credence as the spam mails which take the religious line of fraudulent encouragement, more popular on the African continent .

It's a fairly good indictment of a continent-by-continent guide as to what makes people tick, apparently in Africa it's poor English and religious lunacy (Mel Gibson speed dials his Realtor) and in Eastern Europe it's even worse English and promises of sex from ropey trouts. Not too dissimilar from their actual sex trade, since all the attractive young ones have come over here to become "models" working out of bedsits in Peckham*.

What I'm saying is, don’t respond to these email. Not even to try some investigative jouranalism [sic]. They are scams and ploys used to illegally check your email account is active or con you out of your hard earned wonga. It is probably a real girl in that pic, but it ain’t her writing the email. That’s not going to stop me critiquing her looks though; I wouldn’t touch her with yours.

Ropey Eurogash rating: 7/10
(She’s an eight pinter mate, that’s just a good picture)

* Sex trade - not funny. Jokes about it are.

In My Pre Natal Era I was a Holier-Than-Thou, "I don't own a TV actually" prig. Now You'll Regularly Find Me Swimming in Televisual Excrement

I've always concurred with the view that reality TV is, "the lead in the water pipes that sent the Roman's mad", i.e. a toxic, brain-eroding cerebral pollutant. People with self-esteem issues fabricating nervous breakdowns in their underwear, to lend themselves gravitas and sympathy just doesn't meet my definition of entertainment. Pre-fatherhood, I wouldn't have watched reality TV with my worst enemy's eyeballs, regardless of whether it was the abominable "Big Brother" or the marginally less despicable "The Apprentice". In fact, without sounding like a holier-than-thou "I don't own a TV actually" prig, I barely watched telly at all back in my prime; I was too busy having it large (translation: sitting in the pub alone, looking forlornly at women).

Then along came "The Destroyer of all Energies", aka my son. In these post-natal days, I am usually to be found plastered to the couch by 9pm, a pint of red wine in my right hand and the remote control in my left. It's a mathematical inevitability that the more time you spend in front of the TV, the more likely you are to eventually stumble upon some programmes of the reality persuasion. Add into the equation that your child has hidden or eaten the remote and you're too tired to get up and change channels....well, you're soon swimming in televisual excrement.

First, I found myself sucked in to Channel 4's "Bringing up Baby" - I'd just had one, so why wouldn't I watch four sets of fame-hungry parents put their new-borns in the hands of psychotic method-fascists? Now, it is more or less obligatory that I watch "Boys and Girls Alone" on Channel 4. The show centres around a crass social experiment - leave a group of children alone, sans adults, to build their own community, sit back and see what happens. Of course, within minutes, it's like a badly written serialisation of "Lord of the Flies". The show has been criticised as a gimmick from which we can learn nothing about humanity, but I disagree. I've learned, for example, that I'm perfectly able to hate an 11 year old boy. I refer to TJ (acronym for Total Johnson perhaps), the lank haired, bespectacled Scottish lad who seems to have overcome any of the usual pre-adolescent self-doubt or insecurity by being weaned onto a diet of pure hubris from the age of 2 days. He's the sort of fellow who will grow up to be area manager of Comet but behave as though he invented electricity. Sensing that his authority within the boys' group might be challenged, TJ threw a Crucible-style accusation at his would-be competitor Adetoro, claiming that Adetoro had lunged at him with a knife. The live footage suggested that Adetoro picked up a butter knife an entire room away from TJ. TJ didn't let reality stop him turning the rest of the weakling mob against Adetoro though and quickly changing the hapless whelk's status to that of slave. Apalling to watch for almost anyone, except perhaps TJ's parents, who I suspect felt a frisson of proud excitement.

The learnings I will pass on to my heir are threefold: 1) If all adults are wiped out and you find yourself in a society run by children, you have my full permission to drop out of said society. 2) Don't trust kids whose parents reduce their names to acronyms. TJ, CJ, TC, PK are all code for "cock". 3) Pay attention at school, so you don't end up in the employ of Comet, picking lint off stereos with your teeth for a supercillious inadequate.